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In a Seniors Guide advice column dated Oct. 26, 2026, R. Eric Thomas answered a 75-year-old reader who says he feels trapped in a 45-year marriage affected by his wife’s long-term mental health struggles. Thomas urged the reader to think through practical arrangements and seek support rather than treating leaving as a decision he must make alone.
Seniors Guide published an advice column on Oct. 26, 2026, in which writer R. Eric Thomas responds to a 75-year-old reader who says he feels trapped in a 45-year marriage and is considering leaving. Thomas advises the reader to plan for practical arrangements and seek support, while recognizing that the future of the relationship should not be treated as a decision he must manage alone.
The reader, identified by the pseudonym “Self-imprisoned,” wrote that his wife has received treatment for what he described as treatment-resistant depression and/or bipolar disorder for about 30 years. He said mental health professionals and close friends had told him that the marriage was harming his mental health and advised him to leave. Those descriptions are the reader’s account; the column does not independently verify the wife’s diagnosis, treatment history or the advice he received.
The reader said he had stayed because of a vow, concern that his wife depends on him and fear of leaving at age 75 without family support. He described feeling compassion but not love or respect, and said counselors had characterized the relationship as codependent. Thomas acknowledged the pain affecting both spouses and suggested that the marriage may have changed under the strain of illness and caregiving.
Rather than simply telling him to leave or stay, Thomas asked whether the friends and professionals urging separation had helped him work out where he would live and what he would do. He said a couple can plan for a different arrangement, but that doing so involves more than packing a suitcase. Thomas also suggested the book Codependent No More by Melody Beattie and working with a marriage and family therapist experienced with codependent couples.
Planning Beyond the Decision to Leave
The column focuses on a dilemma that can be especially difficult for an older person: deciding whether a long-term relationship should continue while facing concerns about housing, caregiving and social support. The reader says he has friends but no family to fall back on, and fears that leaving could devastate his wife. Those circumstances make practical planning part of the decision, not a detail to address afterward.
Thomas’s answer avoids presenting separation as an uncomplicated solution. It points instead to the need to consider each spouse’s situation and to involve trusted support. The response may be relevant to readers facing strained relationships or caregiving pressures, but it is advice to one letter writer, not a clinical assessment of either spouse or a universal recommendation.
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A Reader’s Account of 45 Years
The letter describes a marriage of 45 years and a period of roughly three decades in which the reader’s wife has undergone different forms of treatment. The reader links his uncertainty about leaving to his marriage vow, his wife’s dependence on him, his own age and his lack of family support. The column supplies no details about the couple’s finances, living arrangements, health needs or the specific treatments involved.
Thomas writes advice for the “Asking Eric” column. His response acknowledges that a marriage can be reshaped by illness and caregiving while encouraging the reader not to make decisions in isolation. The column does not report that the couple has separated, begun therapy or taken any other specific step.
““I would like to have a healthy relationship before I die.””
— The reader, writing as “Self-imprisoned”
The Couple’s Next Steps Are Unknown
The column does not say whether the reader will leave, whether his wife has been told he is considering it, or whether the couple has made a plan for separate or changed living arrangements. It also does not identify the professionals who advised him, describe their assessments or explain what support might be available to either spouse. The wife’s condition is reported by the reader, not established independently in the column.
Thomas’s reply is advice, not a report of a decision or outcome. There is no information about whether the reader contacted a therapist, read the suggested book or pursued another source of help.
Support and Practical Planning
No follow-up or next appointment is specified in the source. Thomas recommends that the reader discuss the relationship with a marriage and family therapist experienced in codependency and consider the practical details of any change in living arrangements. He also suggests Beattie’s book as a resource.
Whether the reader acts on that advice remains unknown. The column’s stated next step is to think through a plan with support, rather than assume that the reader must handle his wife’s needs or his own future by himself.
Key Questions
What happened in the column?
R. Eric Thomas responded to a 75-year-old reader who says he is considering leaving a 45-year marriage he views as codependent and harmful to his mental health.
Did Thomas tell the reader to leave?
No. Thomas asked him to consider how a separation would work and encouraged planning and support, rather than giving a simple instruction to leave or stay.
What does the reader say about his wife’s mental health?
The reader says his wife has undergone treatment for what he describes as treatment-resistant depression and/or bipolar disorder for about 30 years. The column does not independently verify her diagnosis or treatment history.
What resources did Thomas suggest?
Thomas suggested Codependent No More by Melody Beattie and working with a marriage and family therapist experienced in codependent couples.
Has the reader decided what to do?
The source does not report a decision or any follow-up. It remains unclear whether the reader will leave, seek therapy or make a different arrangement with his wife.
Source: seniorsguide.com
